DungyHadTheUnder

A Question from The NFL’s Wonderlic Test
You are an NFL running back and have just been arrested for possible DUI and have been put in the back of a squad car. What do you do?
A) Drop some names and offer the officers some autographed gear and tickets
B) Use your one phone call to call Peyton Manning becuase who doesn’t love Peyton Manning
C) Pummel the officer with your rediculous super bowl ring
D) Use that explosive first step to break through the car door and spin move your way to freedom
E) Piss yourself
Correct Answer: E
Well done Dominic Rhodes, you passed!

Dear Members of the Rap Video Directors Association of America,
These are trying times for all of us. For years we have paced ridiculousness with our explicit videos of cash, guns and sex. Yet now we must take notice with what happened in Las Vegas over this past NBA All Star Weekend. In particular what Tennessee Titan Cornerback Pacman Jones. He may be the man that gets America talking about our absurdity again.
This man incited a stripper riot. Picture it. 40 Strippers swinging champagne bottles, biting, scratching and crawling over each other to get a piece of the $81G that was sitting on the floor while our man, Pacman was “making it rain”. Clearly these actions need to be recognized. I propse we invite Pacman into our ranks and let him direct the next Lil’ John video. This man may be the choosen one that steps the game up for all of us. Given full creative design of a rap video, the sky is the limit for this young prodigy.
I have already consulted Pacman’s people and he is open to making the crossover to the video making game and I am more than willing to volunteer my next sex tape as trial ground. Early ideas involve towers of midget strippers, $1,000,000 cash, elephants all set in Baghdad. Talks are are still in early stages but I think Pacman may be the real thing.
Remember to keep it real and real absurd brothers.
-R.Kelly

How Many Strippers Will The Pacman Assault This Weekend?
Over 5.5 (-230)
Under 5.5 (+350)

The Liverpool soccer team is full of badasses. As if the scrum that occured a couple of nights ago wasn’t awesome enough, evidently the goalie, Jerzy Dudek, headbutted a Portuguese Police officer. Cincinnatti Bengals player are green with envy and are currently booking flights to Portugal to get a piece of this sweet assault action.
But lets be serious for a moment, the police officer probably dove.

Nova lost to Marquette in resounding fashion this evening, leaving me with one question, WHERE THE FUCK IS MARQUETTE? This puts my beloved wildcats’ tourny hopes very much in doubt.
Quick, other than Dwyane Wade, name Marquette’s most famous alumnus.
That’s right, Tommy Boy. After seven years Tommy Callahan, the son of Big Tom Callahan of Sandusky, Ohio’s Callahan Auto, graduated from Marquette University with honors I’m sure.
No way will i ever give Marquette credit for Dwyane. Maybe I can. What other fine institution would let Dwyane go on spelling Dewayne like that?

For those of you who don’t follow soccer, Liverpool striker, Craig Bellamy, attacked teammate, John Arne Riise, after a night of heavy drinking while training in Portugal for their upcoming Champions League match with Barcelona. Apparently light-hearted jocularity and Karaoke went sour as Bellamy managed to find a golf club to beat Riise with. No jokes, just awesome.

Villanova vs that school Dwayne Wade played for, Marquette. This is a road game for the cats as they travel to…ummm…where the hell is Marquette?
WHAT!? WISCONSIN?! That’s horseshit. How are there two universities in Wisconsin?

Who had the East and the under in last nights All Star game? Come on, speak up, don’t be embarrased. Someone was stupid enough to think the NBA All-Star game was going under. I am a terrible sports gambler but even I could not talk myself into that dumb of a bet. So for that person who unwisely thought the game was going under 253, stop gambling or start placing your bets with me. I’m talking to you Arshi.
As for the game, my thoughts can be summed up with “Shaq missed it. Shaq missed a dunk.” The grin on my face was the most euphoric since NBC called the 2000 election for Gore. But unlike that terrible night, my grin was validated when, minutes later, HE MISSED AGAIN. It really was beautiful, I hope you saw it. And then, I hope you also saw him try and make out with Tracy McGrady. Shaq’s embarrasment was almost palpable and his actions reminded me of Ashlee Simpson’s sheepish ho-down during her lip sync fiasco on SNL. So does Tim Hardaway now hate Shaq?
By the way, Shaq missed TWO DUNKS. Kobe missed ZERO.

Hits On This Site Per Day
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Take that ESPN! After one week of force feeding me nascar, I easily brushed aside today’s Daytona 500 for a day of laundry. All the coverage of those cheating carolinians did little to bring me to your or fox’s table today.
But I did get t-boned (that’s not a racing reference, it is an automobile crash reference) with Daytona highlights and much to my suprise the highlight included no crashes. I lied. It was all crashes. About fifteen, it seemed, each with four to five various angles to accurately display the life-threatening carnage. And then they showed the end of the race which ended the highlight of course because nothing tops the winning of the Daytona 500. WRONG! The highlight ended with a crash and a car on fire.
I hope ESPN follows suit and shows only fouls during tonights All-Star game highlights. Maybe throw in a couple people tripping and traveling but certainly no dunks. NO DUNKS.
Why did you choose to make nascar the sport to replace hockey in the American sport fabric. Why not Soccer? Becks is coming, didn’t you hear about that?
Seriously how much did you invest in nascar? I want to know so I can organize sports lovers across the country to create the Fuck nascar Fund. I will get you your money back if it means you will get rid of nascar.
Man up and take responsibility for this mistake because, trust me, this is a mistake. Sportscenter already smells like chew.