Editor’s Note: This is the first article by Waleed Aly, and yes, he is an Egyptian-American which also makes him an African-American. And yes, this is a sad attempt to bring in more minority readers. Waleed is a tubby kid with a tiny head who, after 6.5 years at university, will be graduating this May with a degree in scamming parents out of money and a minor in annoying roommates to no end.
Ok, this has been on my mind for a good year now, and I just can’t take
it anymore. I’m sick of Steve Nash. Yea that’s right. I said it. The man
must have an absurdly large nut sack since the entire country has been
hanging on his balls for the last 2 years. Don’t get me wrong, I will
give credit where credit is due, but he just gets a little too much. Much
of that is due to the fact that he’s white and more importantly,
Canadian. I mean, playing with a handicap, as large as being Canadian
is, deserves merit on its own but the entire country needs to take a
step back and put things into perspective.
Firstly, the guy is playing with two of the most athletic players in the NBA in a system in which
they practice by trying to get a shot up within the first 7 seconds of
the shot clock. The first 7 SECONDS! Their getting probably double the
offensive possessions of any other team they play against.
Secondly, another huge reason I sip the Cool Blue Hate-erade on Steve Nash and the Suns
is because I just can’t see how they are so good on offense, mainly in
the half court. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a simple pick
and roll where some defender will just totally forget he’s on the
defensive end and Nash dishes off to a guy who can cook an omlete and
roll a post-game blunt before hitting his 3. I know your gonna tell me
that’s why he’s so good and he does have plays where I’ll say “oh wow,
nice pass” but watch a game and keep an eye open for how many
times Nash will just run a circle around the court and hand the ball off
to a wide open player without a defender in the vicinity.
Finally, I’d just like to comment, although he probably won’t get his
3rd straight MVP this year because the voters finally came to their
senses, the fact that he’s even this close to getting his 3rd
straight MVP award is a monstrosity (I’d actually argue that he is more deserving of the MVP this
year than he was last year since he put up better numbers across the
board. Last year should have been Kobe’s MVP, but I guess it’s hard to
get an objective view of the rest of the players in the league when you
have a face full of Steve Nash scrotum). The man is good, but the
all-powerful Michael Jordan didn’t even accomplish that and in my book
that is heresy and should be punishable by death.
I know you’re probably ready to alert your local authorities since I bad
mouthed Steve Nash, but just relax, he’s a good player and he makes
players around him succeed, all I’m saying is that people need creaming
their pants over him like he’s the second coming of Hey Zeus.
One last point, he’s just plain ugly. I mean look at the guy, I half
expect him to talk by moving his completely unhinged, top half of his
head (as all Canadians in South Park do).
