Archive | March 2007

As if Hating Duke Couldn’t Get Any Easier…

Everybody hates Duke, but it is an almost unnatural hatred. Or maybe not.
The Duke Blue Devils are named after French World War I soldiers famous for their blue capes and berets. Let that sink in for a second. Duke Blue Devils = Duke French Soldiers = Duke Pansy Bitches.
I think that solves the mystery of why everbody hates Duke.

DUKE LOSES!

In the distance, the sound of Dickie V.’s crying is drowned out only by a united America cheering Duke’s loss in the first round of the NCAA’s. Not only did the lose, they got sharted on by Eric Maynor and his last second pull-up jumper. I dont think that game could have gone anymore satisfying. Actually, maybe. Greg Paulus could have Shaun-Livingston’ed his knee and coach K, upon seeing the horror of Paulus’ knee, throws up on Scheyer…but lets not get greedy. By the way, Coach K may have been crying while he was shaking hands with VCU. CRYING! Like Adam Morrison, what a bitch!
I watched the game with the champion of the Duke Haters, Doug The Pro, and I have a new depth of hatred for the Duke Blue Devils. Doug pointed out that no matter how nominal or mundane the play, somewhere, either on the bench or on the court, a Duke player is pumping their fist. Scheyer gets fouled on the perimeter and all those white guys that never take their warmup pants off jumped up and starting applauding. They didnt get up, they jumped, leaped and flew out of their seats. If you are the 9th-12th men on the bench essentially you are a glorified cheerleader, so i understand when you get excited for your teammates and try and keep them pumped. But for fucksake, react as if you have played the game before and don’t cheer for the touch foul on the perimeter with 10 minutes left as if it is a three point play to take the lead with seconds to go.
I don’t know when this happened but all those white guys that play the role of cheerleaders at the end of the bench somehow have made the starting linup for Duke. Scheyer? Are you serious? What exactly is that kid bringing to the table besides for elevating the team’s GPA? Of course a team made up of Scheyer’s at various heights is going to lose early.
The best part though was that everybody knew this loss was coming. And when i say everybody I mean every reputable analyst which clearly means everybody but Dickie. I was suprised to see that Dickie didn’t have Duke playing in the final against North Carolina. I am willing to bet that Dickie is in some filthy Hooters somewhere flashing his ESPN press pass, screaming “Get me some free booze and i’ll show you my PTPer!” I always hypothesized that Dickie V was a pervert but his Hooters commercial sealed the deal. He is as wide eyed as Michael Jackson at Chuckee Cheese.
There have been great upsets throughout the years but Duke falling is high on my list of all-time upsets but the thought of those cameron crazies hugging their pictures of Coach K, crying themselves to sleep really makes me smile.

Rick Majerus Loves Man Spanking

“I wish they were over there patting each other on the butt a little bit more.” – Rick Majerus