Archive | June 2007

I Miss Steroids

This is what happens when you take the steroids out of cycling. These guys are bitches, they can’t even ride a bike with no hands. I learned that trick in fourth grade.

Back in the golden days of doping, slap some wings on that bike and he would have taken off instead of wobbling his way to the pavement. Now all we have is a bunch of scrawny pansies playing a sport that nobody watches. Sounds alot like tennis to me.



 Thurbert Baker would like your vote for asshole of the year.

Thurbert E. Baker
Attorney General
Phone: 404-656-3300
FAX: 404-657-8733

Finally Justice for Genarlow Wilson…Maybe

After three years of incarceration for receiving a blow job from a sophomore when he was a senior, Genarlow Wilson has finally had his sentence voided.

The consensual hummer violated an ancient Georgia statute that was rarely enforced and could have cost Genarlow an additional 7 years behind bars as well as the embarresment of having to file as a sex offender upon his release from prison.

But of course the assholes down in the State of Georgia are afraid to admit their mistake and head asshole, Georgia District Attorney, Thurbert Baker has vowed to fight to keep Genarlow in prison.

Congratulations Thurbert Baker, you are the biggest asshole since Mike Nyfong.

Roger Federer Sucks…At Karaoke

On the tennis court, Roger Federer is a god…so long as Rafael Nadal isn’t on the other side of the net. But put Roger Federer in a small, very eccentrically lit room with two guys dressed as painters, a juke box and a few microphones and he sucks. Rafa Nadal dominated a rendition of Queens’ “Killer Queen” in that very same room.

More importantly though, the viewer should take note of what passes for television in Europe. It’s like Japanese television just not as funny to bored American viewers.

Update City: Rafa Nadal once again beat Roger Federer to capture a third straight French Open crown.


In one weekend their ace put a hurting on their catcher and their manager kicked enough dirt to get suspended. The wheels had fallen off. But in a turnaround fit for Hollywood, the Cubbies showed their resiliency and fought against the odds to beat the Braves yesterday 10-1. Clearly yesterday, the Cubbies had their sports training/team bonding montage that I had been predicting.

So this one is for you Cubbie fans. A salute to the great Harry Caray, a man who was paid to be drunk. That’s Doug’s dream.

There’s always next year Cub fans, but there will never be another Harry Caray in Wrigleyville.

Sweet Soccer Goal of the Week

Some guy on some team I cannot pronounce from Sweden had a sweet goal that I felt should be shared with the world because I’m tired of the Western European bias in the media these days.

Sweet Lou: A Poor Man’s Phil Wellman

Poor Cubs. Not even Lou Piniella can catch a break. On the same day Sweet Lou saw himself get tossed for the first time as a Cub, Mississippi Braves manger Phillip Wellman stepped up arguing with an umpire to an art form. Look at the form on that rossin bag toss? And the showmanship!

Sweet Lou should take notes from Wellman and really learn how to flip his shit with the flare and gusto Chicago fans will love despite the impending 90 loss season.