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Some Guys Used Steroids

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Player took steroids. It took Major League Baseball, a former Senator, 24 months and $50,000,000 to drop that bomb on Thursday. Literally dozens of no-name, current and former Major leaguers were named by a former clubhouse attendant and current Car Wash manager. Seriously, there are few professions I trust more than Car Wash manager like high school janitor or coke whores. But if it wasn’t for this Car Wash manager, we would have never found out that Jack Cust and Brenden Donnolly used steroids. Jack Cust?! I know, my world came crashing down too.

Oh, one more shocker, Roger Clemens took Dick Steroids in the ass too.

Martina Likes To Party

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Breaking News: Martina Hingis likes to party with cocaine. I really thought she was a boring swiss prude and retired about 5 years ago to caddy for Sergio Garcia, but turns out, she was playing tennis…professionally. I know, I was suprised to hear it too. But seriously, quitting over cocaine? If every professional that was found to use cocaine was forced to retire, there would not have been a single player on the ’86 Miracle Mets and Wall Street would be barren and overrun with homeless. Because if American Psycho has taught us anything it’s that Wall Street runs on nose candy…and that nothing beats the simple pleasures of hooker murdering and Huey Lewis and the News,